In South Africa, the art of “braai” is not just about cooking, it is all about controlling your fire. And nowhere is this lesson more perfectly taught than in the pursuit of the ideal “braaibroodjie”. One quickly learns that if you hold the grid too close to the coals, the bread chars black while the cheese inside remains cold and solid; while too far, you are left with a soggy sandwich, which definitely does not qualify as toasted.
The art of controlling your fire extends far beyond a “braai” and is just as relevant in our style, as how we show up in the world.
Controlling the fire in your personal style: Intensity and restraint
- Strategic purchasing – When you resist fashion impulses and instead focus on buying a collection of timeless pieces, you build a wardrobe of elegance. Focus on trendy accessories to keep your wardrobe fresh and updated while maintaining a solid foundation.
- Colour discipline – In personal style, balance means understanding how to work with contrast and intensity. Some people naturally complement bold colours due to their features and undertones, while others find such intensity overwhelming, unless carefully balanced. A striking red lip creates instant focus and drama, but the skill lies in moderating other elements – perhaps with softer eye makeup to create harmony rather than competition.
- Understated elegance – Though one can appreciate individuality and expression, understanding balance in appearance means recognising that you are working with powerful visual and psychological tools. Bold choices demand respect and intention, requiring you to consider not just the impact on yourself, but how others will receive and respond to your presence.
Controlling the Fire in your Life
Professional Life: Explosions cause chaos
- Strategic growth – In our careers, it is more valuable to focus on consistent progress rather than spectacular explosions, followed by exhaustion. Professional growth becomes far more sustainable when we establish strong foundations: developing core skills, creating reliable systems, and building meaningful relationships.
- Calculated risk-taking – Channeling ambition into well-researched opportunities rather than impulsive career moves requires the same careful balance as controlling fire. Unchecked ambition creates more activity than actual progress, generating heat and noise without efficient forward movement. Excessive ambition can damage relationships with others as well as ourselves. Refined ambition, however, operates with clear purpose and sustainable intensity, creating lasting impact rather than burnout.
Fueling your Personal Passion: Managing Intensity
- Managing Passion – Passion presents one of life’s greatest balancing acts. Unmanaged passion burns intensely but quickly exhausts itself, while its absence leads to an unfulfilling existence filled with resentment. Sustainable passion requires the same skills as any meaningful long-term relationship: consistent, loving and measured attention.
- Setting Boundaries – Learning to say “NO” when you feel uncomfortable or lack the capacity, is essential for managing both time and energy effectively. This skill allows you to show up fully for what truly matters to you.
- Choosing Vulnerability Wisely – Recognising the distinction between small talk and meaningful connection is crucial for emotional well-being. Equally important is knowing whom to trust with your deeper thoughts and feelings.
Recognising Burnout: The Cost of Imbalance
When balance fails and burnout occurs, it affects every system in your body. Chronic stress strains the cardiovascular system, potentially triggering heart problems and circulation issues; breathing becomes shallow and digestive function becomes irregular. The nervous system struggles to maintain concentration, memory formation, and healthy sleep patterns.
Physical tension manifests as persistent headaches, chronic neck and back pain, and widespread muscle aches. The endocrine system, initially designed to help manage acute stress, becomes overwhelmed and begins producing insufficient hormones. Most concerning of all, immune function deteriorates, leaving you susceptible to illnesses your body would normally handle with ease.
Restoration: Rekindling Your Inner Fire
- Mindful Presence – Meditation teaches the art of maintaining inner balance. Your breath becomes your tool for emotional regulation; slowing when feelings run too intense, deepening when you feel numb and disconnected from yourself and others.
- Embracing Patience – Learning patience transforms one’s limitations into hidden strengths. The most meaningful achievements in life require time to grow and to become the best versions of ourselves.
- Finding Joy in Small Moments – Learning to appreciate the simple pleasures in life; whether observing nature, receiving a genuine smile, or sharing an embrace. This practice of gratitude shifts our perspective from scarcity to abundance.
- Balancing Connection and Solitude – Spending meaningful time with people who you genuinely love, appreciate, and truly enjoy being with, is equally as important to spending time alone; learning to extend that same love and appreciation to yourself.
- Releasing Control – Practicing to release control of every aspect of your existence, to trusting natural processes in certain areas of your life.
- Nurturing Creativity – As humans we possess a drive for creative expression that definitely demands attention. Finding a creative outlet: whether through art, writing, music, cooking, or any other medium, feeds an essential part of your being that cannot be satisfied any other way.
Controlling your inner fire teaches you that genuine transformation demands conscious choice about what to release – whether outdated habits, limiting beliefs, or relationships that no longer nurture your growth. This process becomes an act of intentional development rather than mere loss.
The mastery is not to avoid intensity altogether, but in learning to channel that intensity with purpose, transforming it into precisely the energy and direction your life requires. The ultimate goal becomes creating a life so balanced and fulfilling that you don’t need to escape from it.